Once surrogacy was an inherently complex process. Many reputable surrogacy agencies have made surrogacy a lot easier but personal backup is still a must-have.
While the praise usually goes to Surrogates, doctors, surrogacy agencies, and their IVF clinics, Surrogate’s partners deserve equal praise too. They make it possible for women to become Surrogates by offering emotional and physical support all through the surrogacy process.
We believe in gestational surrogacy it is extremely important for a Surrogate to have a strong support system. Usually, the partner is the primary support person for the Surrogate. However, this support person (partner) sometimes also need support, especially when the situation gets emotionally tense. Therapy for a Surrogate’s partner may be the key to a wonderful experience during such a crisis. This is because it helps them sort out their feelings and can even help strengthen the bond between the couple.
Support From a Surrogate’s Perspective in Surrogacy Process
Surrogates are similar to superheroes in movies. They do what many other people wouldn’t do to help someone build or start their own family. When considering gestational surrogacy, Surrogates are women who have already given birth. They might be working full-time and rearing their own children. This is why the surrogacy journey can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally.
Physical assistance is a must-have for a Surrogate, and their partner usually provides that. When pregnant, a Surrogate will not be able to perform the usual tasks she used to do. Her significant other needs to handle that responsibility. After all, there’s a reason partners are called “partners”. It reminds us that the Surrogate mother is not alone in the surrogacy process.
The significant other is always there to support her when she’s feeling tired, emotionally down, or overwhelmed. He will also be around to share the moments of joy and excitement with her. A Surrogate can get overwhelmed with emotions during the journey. Carrying another family’s baby comes with its own risks and responsibilities, and this is where the partner comes in. A few caring words or love gestures will help remind the Surrogate why she decided the first place.
Partner Support During Surrogacy Process
When considering gestational surrogacy, some women prefer to do all the research on their own and only present the idea to their partner or husband when they are ready. Others get their partner involved from the very beginning, preferring to get assistance in determining whether or not surrogacy is good for the family.
Surrogates must determine early on whether their partner is coming on board or not. They are usually included right from the start of the screening process by most reputable surrogacy agencies.
Here is a list of things your significant other is expected to take part in during the process.
- Medical screening, including testing for sexually transmitted diseases (STI).
- Discussing the legal implications of surrogacy with the attorney assigned to you.
- Undergo background and financial checks.
- Participating in-home visits.
- Discussing Surrogate support and the emotional complexities of the surrogacy process with a mental health expert.
The Surrogate mother and her husband or partner must agree about the entire process and discuss how the process will go from the beginning. The couple needs to remember that not all things will go planned. So, flexibility and patience are very important during the surrogacy process. This discussion will also allow the couple to state their preferences and non-negotiables.
Why is Therapy Important for My Partner?
You and your partner will talk about these issues and some more during the initial consultation with the agency’s mental health expert. Some people may discover that they will need more support during the surrogacy journey or that certain issues don’t come up until later. Carrying a baby is a very intimate thing, and as a Surrogate’s partner, you may not know how you fit in when your partner is carrying another person’s child.
Even though husbands might think, “I’m a guy. I need no support,” the truth is, they do. Few things can be as emotional as having a child. Some emotional attachment comes with seeing your wife give birth, and the partner will need to sort that out. The emotional support and attachment are addressed with the Surrogate right from the get-go. Besides, she will have the surrogacy agency and her support group to help her to sort out these natural feelings after delivery. But the same cannot be said for her partner. So, therapy is a good way for them to address similarly complex emotions.
How can Surrogates Find a Therapist for Their Partner?
You can start looking for a therapist once your husband or partner recognizes that therapy can help and agrees to it. Since not all therapies are the same, we are offering below, some fail-proof tips to help you find a good therapist for your partner.
- Ask your friends or family for a reference. Consult your match manager, other Surrogates, or any other person close with the surrogacy process. You can also get referrals from other Surrogate’s partners since they may have had a similar experience.
- When you find a therapist that you like, call them and ask some questions about their educational background and experience to know if they fit the bill.
The cost of therapy is going to vary based on the therapist, their income level, and the clinic location. Most therapists charge around $75 – $150 per session. While it is not easy to predict the exact number of therapy sessions a Surrogate’s partner will need to have, most of the couples that have hired a therapist said that it’s well worth the time and costs. Not only will it help your spouse sort out their feelings, but it will also help make them a stronger shoulder to lean on in this emotional time.
Our Advice in Gestational Surrogacy
Our advice for Surrogate’s partners is that they should treat their wives with love, care, and patience during the surrogacy process. As a partner, you should also try to picture the joy and smiles on the faces of the Intended Parents when your wife delivers their baby.
Partners are the unsung heroes of the surrogacy process.
Coastal Fertility has partnered with Physician’s Surrogacy, the nation’s only OB-managed surrogacy agency. If you are interested to become a surrogate, fill out the application form.
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